Things You Never See
by Have Faith In Yourself
Summary: …and things you do see. A rounding out project for the Character of Buck, where I can place my entire collection of one shots about him without spamming the Ice Age section. Oneshots of Buck and his many traits. Read and Review if you want.
1. Trait One: Fear

**A/N: So I'm going to post all my oneshots as one big Story. Yeah. The first four chapters are my four Buck stories ATM, so I don't expect you to review them or anything, but I AM going to be deleting the other stories as I put their chapters on here. This is just as I said in the summary, So I'm not totally SPAMMING the Ice Age section with oneshots, since I do plan on doing quite a few more.**

**Also the chapter names are the Themes I decided worked best for each of the oneshots. So you'll be seeing things like "Fear", "Vulnerability", "Doubt", and "Indecision" (the four themes of the stories I have right now ^^;) as the chapter names. The unique story names will still be here, at the top of the story right after any notes I have on it. **

**So notes about An Eye For A Tooth. Really didn't expect the warm welcome to the Ice Age section, since I didn't really see my first attempt of a Buck story as an actual STORY... since I was just retelling the story he told in the movie with a darker, more sane aspect to it. I was very surprised, therefore, that a few people liked it so much to review positively. I hope that like is still there along with some patience with me (more originals will be coming, I just want to post my four in one big story to, as I said, prevent myself from liberally spamming). So without further ado about nothing much...**

An Eye For A Tooth

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

Buck looked around at what he considered _his own_ tropical paradise, both blue eyes gleaming despondently as he looked out into the rain. The lava pits were cooled over, and the trees were swaying in the wind. He glanced down at his midsection, which let out a pitiful growl.

He'd been there in _paradise_ for nearly a week, and he _still_ had issues getting food.

And as much as he didn't want to… he needed to go out there and find some. He pushed himself up and poked his head from the cave, wondering if he'd have any luck… or if dinosaurs would eat him. He'd probably seen every meat and plant eater down in this godforsaken place at least once. And if he didn't, well, it was probably just a tiny thing that he missed. He couldn't help a small smile as he automatically thought "Insect", and his sharpened lower teeth curled around his upper lip in an almost menacing way.

That was a lie. The bugs were bigger than him here. He knew five or six of the giant butterflies and a whole score of the baby caterpillars; they were the only things that didn't actively try to kill him these last few days. If he wanted to do anything down here, anything like surviving, he'd need a new plan.

The greenery had swayed him that day that seemed so long ago (what a stupid thought, it wasn't long ago. It was just last week, for Pete's sake!), when he first stumbled across the hole in the ice. Some part of his mind had registered "Warm Draft" when he stepped into the hole, and being as stupid as he was, he didn't consider that warmth meant life.

He considered himself smarter now than he was then, and had thought of going back, but when he thought of it his heart would twist painfully and he knew he couldn't leave. As forbidding as this place was, he wanted to stay.

His first thought when he actually entered the jungle was "Food!" when he saw the giant fruits. His second thought had been "AAAAAGHHHHH!" when a plant had tried to eat him. His third thought was "But, but, but!" when he finally saw the dinosaurs.

He knew he should have left then.

He should have gone back to the surface and made his life up there, instead of risking it down here.

He should have played it safe.

His stomach growled again, and he sighed, talking down at it, "Yeah, yeah, I know you want food. Cut me a lit'l slack, will ya?"

He ventured into the rain, his fur soaking through faster than he thought possible. As he stared around, an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. His ears folded down immediately as the lightning flashed across the sky.

Sometimes it was too easy to think this was the surface world. It had all the weather conditions.

He saw a lizard scuttle past, about half the size that he was, and his mouth widened into a grin. If he could just catch that lizard…

He darted toward the thing and pounced on it, letting out a triumphant yelp as his body hit the ground, the lizard struggling in his grasp. He felt ready to eat the thing right then. But a low growl almost like thunder made him pause, letting the lizard scurry away in fear.

His blood ran cold as a great glowing orange eye opened and burned before him, locked on his form, _hungry_. He knew his chances had just run out, somehow. This was _no way_ one of the dinosaurs he'd been running from before. It was bigger. Faster. _Meaner_. His previous thought returned to him. _He'd probably seen every meat and plant eater down in this godforsaken place at least once. And if he didn't, well, it was probably just a tiny thing that he missed._

This thing was not tiny. It was huge. How the bloody hell had he _missed it_?!

He cringed as it stared at him, as if waiting to see if he'd run. Lightning, showing pearly white scales and deadly black claws, illuminated a claw-like hand that rose in the darkness, three claws rising deliberately. He turned his gaze on it, and it slashed down.

He barely had time to register he had moved before blinding pain erupted on the right side of his face, as he was sent flying by the glancing blow. He crashed to the ground as the right side of his head exploded with pain, and he lifted a paw there in surprise. Feeling blood running from his eye, he… _his right eye was gone_.

_The blasted monster had half blinded him._

His remaining blue eye widened in shock as a roar erupted into the night, and he turned and bolted as fast as he could. Dodging trees he could barely make out, he picked one at random and started climbing up it, his paw still clenched over his eye socket. He could hear the crashing steps of the monster behind him, and his heart raced so fast he couldn't hear the individual beats over his panicked mantra of "Run away, run away, run away and DARN IT, DON'T GET EATEN!"

His free hand clenched upon a leaf as he broke through the clouds at the top of the tree. He clung to the wood as trees around him smashed to the ground, hastily tying the leaf around his head to have his hand free again and leave his still bleeding eye socket protected. He broke a branch off of the top of the tree and climbed to the thin tip, clutching the branch as he breathed deeply. He felt adrenaline rushing through him.

And it felt_ great._

He suddenly wanted to stand and fight the damned monstrosity that had cost him his eye. He stared around at the clouds, his heart pounding in his ears. A prickling feeling at the back of his neck made him turn just in time to see the thing behind him, see the jaws lurching forward, opening, surrounding.

_SNAP_.

He heard the teeth clash, and for a moment, his heart stopped. This was it. He'd be chewed up like a mammoth carcass. He'd be pushed half dead to the back of the throat. He'd be swallowed, watching with fading life as that gross, fleshy pink thing disappeared above him.

_The pink thing._

It wasn't a thought, exactly. He felt the muscle around him contracting, and he saw the fleshy thing hanging there, waiting. He barely noted that the monster was trying to swallow him alive.

He pressed against the muscle; freeing his arms enough to launch free of the throat and grapple onto the hanging flesh, curling around it by complete instinct before hanging down and beginning to swing.

Back and forth. And back and forth. Again and again and again he swung, until finally he was moving too fast to continue holding on. He let his fingers slip from the flesh and rocketed forward, toward a wall of teeth, hoping to all the food in the world that it would turn out right.

He felt the tooth he slammed into. He heard the sickening crack that he feared was his spine. His eye shut, as he prepared for the pain he didn't doubt would come.

Then he felt the air whizzing past him and the cold, cracked object he was curled around. He heard the pained roar from somewhere behind him as the rain suddenly stopped attacking his fur. He slammed into the rock, wincing his only eye left as he skid a few feet into darkness.

He opened the blue eye hazily, pain rocketing through his figure and clouding his thoughts, and his right hand clenched around the object he had held close while he was flying away from the thing.

He blinked wearily, looking at the tooth for a second before looking toward the opening of the cave, where the monster was roaring in anger.

"That was quite rude." He said suddenly, not completely in his right mind. "I think I'll call you 'Rudy'."

He pushed himself into a sitting position, his left hand latching onto a firm piece of wood and a fine, thin, but strong vine. He looked at the tooth once more before looking at all three items and giving a wicked grin, his eyes narrowing in perverse pleasure as he understood _exactly_ how to go about from there.

"I thank you, Rudy." He muttered toward the cave entrance, "You gave me the boost I needed. If I could survive you, I can survive anything. With just… a little ingenuity." He quickly and adeptly tied the wood and tooth together with the vine, leaving most of the tooth free of vine and most of the wood covered. He checked to make sure the tooth wouldn't budge.

Grabbing a sharp rock, he started chipping away at the tooth until one edge was sharper than the rock was. The rock chipped when he slashed it with the tooth. "Perfect." He smirked as he touched the edge of the dagger he'd made gently with his finger. A single drop of blood glistened at the prick point, and he licked it off, used to the taste of blood but enjoying it so much more when he knew he could fight off something bigger than him.

With these thoughts, he fell asleep, his new dagger held loosely in his hands as he slept there, no longer hungry but rather drained.

--

It was many weeks later when he realized he hadn't thought of returning to the surface world once. Encounters with Rudy were sudden and unpredictable, but Buck found some way to escape him each time as he trained and battled the local flora and fauna.

The caterpillars became butterflies.

He slowly lost what was left of his mind from that night, and gained more instinct than he would have once thought he would need. But it kept him alive, so he couldn't complain.

One morning he woke up snuggling against a pineapple… a very _ugly_ pineapple. What was left of his mind told him he was married to it. That was when he truly knew he was crazy.

But again, it kept him alive. He battled the elements and got stronger and faster, quicker to think up ideas that would get him out of a jam. His dagger served him well, especially against Rudy, who had tried to eat his pineapple wife once soon after he found he was married to it. The pineapple was ugly, but he loved her. The grudge match between he and Rudy reached its final point.

Rudy wanted his tooth back; Buck wasn't planning on giving it up.

The surface world dawned as a hazy memory of months past as Buck fought, learning as he went. Food came to him easier now. He no longer felt hunger pains. Occasionally he could feel the phantom pain of his missing right eye, but whenever he looked down at his dagger, he knew the phantom pain Rudy felt must have been about the same.

Perhaps it really was a fair trade.

An Eye for a Tooth, after all, was a _very _old and _very_ long saying.


	2. Trait Two: Vulnerability

**A/N: The notes for Against His Nature were going to be about how I wondered how Buck got along with how Weasels are usually, compared with how his instincts worked, then I decided to make him more vulnerable to the fact that his past coincided so sharply with his last instincts before he went to Dinotopia. Hence the reason this chapter's theme is Vulnerability.  
**

Against His Nature

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

He had known _terror_ once. He _was_ a weasel, after all. But small, insignificant things like _former instincts _and _terror_ never tugged at the edges of his mind anymore. He never stopped long enough for them to start on their rampage. He owned this place and all the creatures in it, since he could survive here when he shouldn't be able to; why should he be afraid?

Foggy memories of the thing called _fear_ sometimes intruded on his dreams; more often than not, they were the memories of the first week or so down here. His first encounter with Rudy, the first time he'd nearly been eaten by a _plant_, the pangs of hunger and the times he had feared starvation. He would wake in a cold sweat from these dreams, remembering the fear that had held his life for so long, the _terror_ he had felt when he first saw Rudy.

That big, gleaming eye being illuminated even more by lightning. It still haunted him.

His heart raced as he sat up gasping for air, spasms taking hold of his body. His brown fur was drenched in sweat and he shivered, feeling the _former instincts _trying desperately to take hold of him again.

He wouldn't allow himself to fear. He wouldn't allow himself to be vulnerable.

His body calmed as he shut his eye tightly, breathing as deeply as he dared, feeling the prickling feeling at the back of his eye that he had banished so long ago. He _would not _cry, blast it!

His throat hurt. Had he been _yelling_ in his nightmare again? He sighed and coughed as his throat caught, and the taste of blood blossomed in his mouth. His blood. He grasped at his throat as he breathed again, his eye opening and his mind chasing thoughts that made no sense. Terror was not something he allowed himself to feel. He looked at the thoughts that ran from his mind.

**_Run away._**

No. He would never run away again. He would never turn his back on the dangers he faced every day.

**_You know they're dangers._**

Of course he knew they were dangers; he was insane, not stupid. But just because he knew they were dangers didn't mean that he would run away from them.

**_You're going to be killed._**

Hadn't been killed yet. He'd worry about that when it happened.

**_You know death already._**

No, he didn't. He had never known death. He'd…

**_Yes. You had run away from death._**

Memories flooded to the forefront, memories he had expelled to the back of his mind, locked away in the foggy abyss of _fear_ and _former instincts_. The prickling behind his eye increased tenfold as the memories blasted into his consciousness again.

The parents he had made himself forget. The panic he had felt as he ran from their lifeless bodies.

**_You've hidden yourself away from death, refused to let its truth claim you._**

He shook his head desperately, trying to get rid of the thoughts. "Go away…" he whispered, "Go away!"

**_You've hidden us and our truth in the pathetic excuse you call insanity._**

"Go_ away!_"

**_You hate yourself. Admit it, Buck, you hate what you've let yourself become._**

"GO _AWAY!_"

He launched himself out of the cave, tears falling freely from his eye as he ran blindly through the woods, his dagger clutched in his right hand as he stumbled along, denying the thoughts as they chased him.

_That_ had been what he was running from that day. The day he stumbled upon the hole in the ice, the day he turned his back on the surface world. _That_ was why he had never wanted to leave the first week or so when he was still sane. He didn't want to go back to a world without them. So he stayed in a world that had never known them.

No ties. No regrets.

No remembrances.

He heard the roar behind him, a roar that wasn't Rudy's, and paid it no heed. Maybe he should have, but he was too caught up running from something that was killing him inside. Running. Something he swore he'd never do again.

The dino caught up with him and swatted him into a tree, leaving him dazed and crying as the truth caught him at last.

He was a coward.

He shuddered and closed his eye as the glisteningly sharp teeth lowered toward him. Another roar echoed in the distance and the teeth stopped their descent. He was grateful for once to see the white scales.

Rudy.

The white Baryonyx stood over him, roaring at the other dino. A threat was easily determined in his roar.

_No one eats him except me._

Buck knew he should be afraid. He didn't want to fight anymore. He closed his eye again and sighed, readying himself to be eaten.

Instead, he felt an unsure nudge from Rudy's nose. He opened his eye and looked up at the white dino, which looked down at him in curiosity. He could see Rudy's question in his eyes, _aren't you going to fight?_

"Go on, then, Rudy. I give up." He muttered, lowering his gaze. "I'm a coward. Cowards don't deserve to live." He looked down at the tooth, "And you can have this back. Not like I'm going to need it."

Rudy let out a growl, when Buck released the dagger. He nudged it back to Buck. The 'no' was clear; _I'm not going to eat you unless you're fighting. That's the fun of it, you crazy weasel._

"Rudy, I can't." he said softly, "I don't want to fight anymore."

The growl deepened.

"Please. Just… just eat me okay?"

Rudy shook his head, his eyes narrowed down at Buck. Buck sighed and stood, his eye still lowered. He dropped the dagger next to the tree and moved to walk away.

Rudy's foot appeared in his path.

"If you're not going to eat me, and you're not going to let me leave, what do you want, you crazy dinosaur?!"

Rudy let out what could only be described as a whine. He nudged Buck back to the dagger and blinked at him. _Take it. Fight. Be you again._

"I'm a coward, Rudy. I can't take it anymore. I can't fight you even one more time. Now eat me!"

Rudy snorted, pushing him backwards again until his paw touched the dagger. Buck looked down at it. His eye widened slightly in realization. "You… you don't really want to hurt me at all, do you?"

A low growl.

"You were always just pushing me forward." Buck's mouth curled into a small smile, "You…" he grinned, "Thank you, again, Rudy. You big lunk."

Rudy let out an appreciative whine, his red eyes gleaming.

Buck's hold on the dagger tightened. He pulled it out of the ground grinning. "Catch me if you can!"

And he took off running.

Something told him he wouldn't be plagued anymore by the memories of fear. Sure, he was a coward by nature, but he was stronger than nature had meant him to be. If Rudy wanted him to keep on fighting, he'd keep on fighting.

Yes.

He'd known _terror_ once. Now, he knew the real meaning of cowardice. He'd try not to be a coward again. He wouldn't give up.

Even if giving up was in his nature.


	3. Trait Three: Doubt

**A/N: Notes for Alone in Paradise... hmm. This one was a co-op with the Amazzzzzzzzzzing person Amethyst DragonRider, who I still believe is completely and insanely amazing (All insane people are amazing, for those of you who don't know... but how couldn't you? Buck's a prime example :P) And dear god, did we have fun with it. Every other paragraph or so was switched off, but our thoughts were pretty much the same when it came to the actual writing about it that Locarian-Mode actually commented saying "I wouldn't have guessed that this was two people, the thoughts flowed so well, if you hadn't mentioned it!"****. Again, Amethyst, you are insanely awesomely amazing and I love you so much for it ^^  
**

Alone In Paradise

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

_I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone..._

---

Sometimes he wondered if he would have gone back to the surface world, if he had not felt that unbelievable need to stay. As he looked over his paradise, listening to the world around him, he mused darkly how he had come to grow so able in his world. Insanity was something he accepted; it kept him alive. Indeed, he had stayed alive for much longer than he thought he would.

But still, the isolation that came with his utopia would often intrude on his thoughts. Whenever this happened, he sought consolation from his pineapple, but it wasn't always satisfactory. After all, she was just a pineapple.

...A very ugly pineapple.

But he loved her.

He shook his head, clearing it of the thoughts. He really was crazy. He loved a pineapple. He had Rudy as well, but the dinosaur was his rival. Not a lot could get the Dino into a 'forgiving' mood. Most of this actually happened when the albino Baryonyx had caught Buck by the tail and noticed that he no longer held the dagger.

Rudy...

The simplest word to describe their relationship would be "rivals", but when one thought about it, it was more of a love-hate thing. The dinosaur was one of those things that frustrated him. He couldn't live with him, but on the other hand he couldn't live without him. Rudy was the one that egged him on, made him want to improve and keep his wits about. Without Rudy, he would probably be dead already. And yet, at the same time, they couldn't stand each other. Constantly fighting, incapable of having a civilized time together...

He sighed. Razors edge of oblivion indeed. Rudy would push him off then hang onto him until he climbed back on. It was the odd part of their relationship. It was like being on a cliff. Can't really go either way.

Still, at least he had a companion, complex though their relationship may be. He wasn't entirely alone in the world that should have shunned him. What was sad was that his only friend was a dinosaur. Well, he had the pineapple, but when he thought about it, she didn't really count. That's probably why he had been so willing to assist Manny and his friends.

The thing that disturbed him most of the time was that he HAD chosen to live this crazy life. No one really stuck around with him. When Manny and the others had offered to let him join the herd... Why hadn't he turned his back on the lonely life?

He shook his head again, sighing. He was thinking too much, and his head was hurting. While that last thought was a good question, he didn't quite think that he wanted to know the answer. There was a reason he forbade those thoughts to come to mind. This place was his home now. His Boulevard of Broken Dreams, so to speak.

No matter how he wondered why he felt so attached, he couldn't deny it. He knew that survival was the only thing he could really do here. Knew that everything down here was against him. He knew nothing could change that.

Yet, he didn't want it to change. He had grown so accustomed to the necessary life-style he had down here that anything else seemed implausible. Living a comfortable life without any dangers other than birds? He couldn't see it. He'd been down here so long that the surface would have been less-than-satisfactory. So, in a way, he was glad that Rudy had survived. He was glad that he had chosen to stay down here, because it was all he knew.

Loneliness could take shelter with him. He had better reasons to stay here where it was lonely than to return to the surface and have friends. The things he knew here, the plants and the dinosaurs and Rudy and the caterpillars that had become butterflies... they offered him comfort in a way that the surface didn't seem able to provide.

He knew this place. He knew every inch of it. He knew most of the inhabitants, and he knew how to take care of himself. Up there...He wasn't entirely sure what was on the surface. He knew there were herbivores and carnivores just like down here, and since Manny's herd had come with thick coats of fur, he suspected that it was probably cold up there, but that was all he knew. That was all he remembered. If he were to go back up there, he wouldn't know what to expect. And that scared him.

Being scared wasn't something he did lightly. He had been scared of Rudy, but that had quickly faded. He had feared starving, but then he learned to get food. He had even feared that Sid the Sloth had been eaten for a fleeting second when Manny had told him they were looking for the 'floppy green thing' that Mama Dino had taken. Though a weasel, he didn't like being scared. It felt wrong in some indoctrinated way.

It also made him feel weak. He hated feeling weak, because he didn't see himself as weak. He saw himself as brave, fearless, confidant, and without doubts.

_But you can't be brave if you aren't afraid._ A voice in the back of his head reminded him.

"Ya can't be COURAGEOUS if ya ain't afraid." he muttered to himself, "Ain't going for courageous." But still, doubts lingered. He spoke aloud again, trying to dispel them, "Ya can be brave without being courageous. Ya can survive in a world that wants ya dead..." The doubts curled around his mind. Maybe he wasn't doing right here. Maybe he should have left with the crazy herd.

A familiar roar in the distance calmed his nerves somewhat.

Finally, something he was sure of; something he knew. He pushed the doubts and glum thoughts to the back of his mind and grabbed a vine, swinging off of the tree he had situated himself in, and hit the ground in search of his rival.

It wasn't often that he sought out the dinosaur. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that Rudy continually tried to eat him. Who really knew?

The ugly pineapple wouldn't.

Because she was a pineapple. And, really, what did pineapples know, anyway?

Comforted by the thoughts he was now thinking, he turned his back one more time on the surface world. He chased his rival through the woods as he thought these final thoughts, knowing it wouldn't be the last time his mind traveled down this road.

But hey, at least he had his paradise.


	4. Trait Four: Indecision

**A/N: ****Oh dear god. Caught In The Middle, the story where I was literally high with happiness over the wonderful reviews of the also AMAZING Locarian-Mode, whose story Rising is basically my IDOL STORY for this section. I love ya, girlie. You are tooooooo fricken amazing to describe with words that would make sense to mortals. -nods-  
**

Caught In The Middle

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

It was one of his happier times, the times when he could sink into his insanity and just roam through the forests with his dagger in one hand and several berries in the other. It was these times when he feared no retributions for any actions he made, mistakes he stumbled into or dinos he hurt. He didn't want to leave its sheltering safety, the safety the insanity brought him, because deep down he knew that it would never last long enough for him.

But at the same time, being insane all the time wasn't something he wanted; it would take all the meaning out of what he had accomplished in his stay down in Dinotopia. And he didn't want to be completely sane, either, where he was vulnerable and weak to the old thoughts and memories. It was an odd feeling when he actually thought about it, caught between wanting sanity and insanity.

The confusion to it all often made him not want to think about it. But there were times, late at night when he would stare at Lava falls in whatever tree he had taken roost in, and hum a lullaby he barely remembered from before his time in Dinotopia. His sanity would come forward, and he would be caught in a current of emotions that often sent him to sleep with tears forming in his remaining eye.

_Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme…_

Herbs he had come to know well in his home below the ice, herbs to heal, numb, strengthen… If they were meant to heal and strengthen, why did he feel so broken and weak whenever he thought of them?

Being pulled in two directions was a feeling he had grown accustomed to whenever he thought of the lullaby, or what he really wanted. He realized often in quiet moments that he didn't really _know_ what he wanted.

But whenever he sat down to consider his wants, they never made any sense and always left him feeling empty. Something was missing from his explanation of what he wanted, and it left him miserable and denying all that he said.

Insanity was a wall that the thoughts couldn't get through, a wall he retreated behind as much as he could. He would let the insanity step forward whenever he needed to clear his mind and take time away from the thoughts his sanity brought him. He could never fully face the thoughts, so they stayed there, strengthening as his confusion over them grew.

Yes, he was very accustomed to being pulled in two directions. Sanity pulling one end of the rope, insanity – and what he viewed as safety – tugging on the other. His memories of life before Dinotopia were clouded and vague, hidden so he wouldn't have to suffer for them.

His happy time in insanity was his release from the stress he felt otherwise. And whenever that happy time ended…

The berries dropped slowly out of his hand and his jaunty step slowed to a stop as the happiness that had held him seeped away again, despite his wishes to bring it back. He hated the sadness that his sanity always brought. The… the stuck feeling that he always felt in his heart.

He climbed up a tree and sighed as he looked over his world again as it darkened, becoming the nightly face he connected with. The soft glow from lava falls illuminated the pale tan fur on his muzzle, and he turned his gaze there as he would so many other nights. Tears accompanied the first few notes he hummed softly, and he didn't try to stop them as he would any other night.

He turned his attention on his thoughts as he continued singing under his breath, examining his feelings with all the strength he had. He wouldn't retreat from his thoughts tonight. It hurt a lot to confront them, but now that he thought about it, it hurt just as much to put them off. Another instance where he was pulled in two directions.

He really felt like the dinosaur faced with two pieces of meat, both the same size and both the same distance away. When he couldn't make a decision, it would eventually be his downfall.

He'd make the decisions once an for all if it cost him everything he had left. He didn't want to be stuck in the middle one more time.

His chest ached with his tears as he thought this, still singing softly.

He was always caught in the middle. Surface, or Dinotopia? Manny and his friends, or Rudy? Safety from his hurts… or facing them once and for all?

His voice trailed off on the last few notes as he lowered his gaze from Lava falls.

_Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme…_

He closed his eye and sighed one more time, "Guess that's the issue, then." He whispered to himself. "I'm always stuck in the middle."

His eye wandered closed as he thought it over, and his mouth curled into a small content smile as his mind finally came to the thought, _Guess that's just who I am. Wandering a razors edge of oblivion, caught in between sanity and insanity, traversing the path between life and death every day… with a past on the surface but a future in Dinotopia._

_And friends on both counts._

The low rumbling from far off reached his ears to punctuate the thought, and with that his thoughts drifted into other more familiar topics, such as Rudy and his wife, the ugly pineapple, until finally he fell asleep contented.


	5. Trait Five: Frustration

**A/N: ****Okay. So this one is the beginning of the 'Isolation Arc' of one shots which will be going on for at least three more chapters, maybe more, it depends. In the Isolation Arc, Buck will be pretty much cut off from everyone, even Rudy, and it bugs him. **

**So with Half A Year, the theme was Frustration, for two reasons:**

**One, we needed a time marker and what better way to do it than with a chapter where Buck is angry at how long he's been in Dinotopia?**

**And Two, well, you'd be angry if people started avoiding you, wouldn't you?**

**This is also the first "ORIGINAL" one shot for this actual story, since the other four were ones I had already done like a few days before, so I EXPECT REVIEWS NOW. :D**

**These might come a little slower since me and Amethyst DragonRider have our new little project with the "Ice Age 4: Buck Up" story that we're doing together. Plus I have my main focus story to work on, which is quickly nearing it's end, and therefore needs a lot of attention to make things JUST right, y'know?**

**PS: These next few chapters don't have the customary "Happy endings" I've been giving you. They cut off quite sharply and will probably surprise you at how dark they leave off.**

**PSS: You're all really going to hate me for torturing poor Buck before this is over, but its my attempt at actually bringing an actual "one unified story" aspect to this, and believe me, half the people I know agree that angst is every writer's secret forte. ^^;  
**

Half A Year

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

Buck growled in anger as he turned around again, the leaves beneath him crunching listlessly into smaller bits as he paced over them again. It annoyed him greatly that he couldn't identify the cause of his aggravation. The grip on his dagger tightened and loosened spasmodically with each step, and his eye went through the rounds of narrowing and opening wide in a look directed to the sky, at which times he would let out another angered snarl.

It didn't feel right to him, being so incensed without having any idea why: which only served to make him feel more frustrated.

The other inhabitants of the jungle where he paced seemed to have noticed his bad mood, as any creatures that stumbled upon the clearing he was ravaging with his steps quickly backed away again. The dagger wasn't necessary to scare them away; his crazed look was enough to send chills down their spines.

He was restless and angry, and it didn't seem to make sense to him why. He'd _been_ in Dinotopia for so many months and _never_ felt this obsessively angry.

_Wait. What?_

The anger had spiked when he had thought of how long he had been in Dinotopia. In all honestly, he wasn't entirely sure he remembered how long exactly. Was it four months? Five?

Six.

The number popped into his mind as the spike of irritation struck; he'd been in Dinotopia for six months that day. _Half a year_. And that number angered him.

_Why?_

The weasel turned violently again as this shot through his mind, his eye lowering from it's glare up at the sky to lock onto a tree that he forcefully threw his dagger at. The dagger stuck with half of the blade submerged into the tree root, and he swiftly marched toward the base of the tree to wrench it free.

He pulled his mind away from his actions as he began swinging the dagger around, moving fluidly through the jabs and swipes he knew and hoping to work off the frustration. Six months. Six long months since he had been fully sane…

Six months of memories, of horrifying situations that he had to fight himself out of, and nothing before it.

Nothing but that horrifying memory that he had run from his parents' dead bodies. He gave a particularly powerful swipe at the tree root, severing it from the rest of the tree as he bared his teeth in anger at himself. He didn't want to remember that.

The only other memory he had was a faded voice singing a lullaby to him, and that gave him mixed feelings. He knew the voice must have been his mother, and when he thought that it would lead to the memory of running away.

Another swipe at the tree that left a deep gash in its trunk.

He felt the stress beginning to ease out of his body slowly as he moved, his breath coming sharply as he jabbed and stabbed and cut. It felt good to be moving.

But the frustration would not go away.

He wanted to run from Rudy, which always made him feel better when he was in a bad mood, but the Dinosaur had been oddly reluctant to chase after him. He didn't get why but he hadn't seen the albino Baryonyx for a few days now.

Right when he needed it, his rival was avoiding him. Great.

Just great.

"You chose a bang-up time to disappear, you annoying lug." He muttered mutinously as he returned to pacing, his dagger once again being intermittently clenched and loosened.

He let out a sigh and strode off into the jungle, looking for something to do while his frustration simmered.

He really needed to know WHY he was so upset. It was starting to really bug him.

He began chasing restlessly after a bird that was running away from him toward the Plates of Woe, his thoughts moving about as fast as his feet were. He grabbed a vine to swing through the air and pounced on the bird, looking down at it before sighing and letting it go. He wasn't _hungry_, just _annoyed_.

This was a really bad time for Rudy to choose to ignore his existence, Buck thought sharply, and continued walking through the forest.

"Rudy, blast it, why are you avoiding me?" he muttered again, leaping over a rock as he slashed his way through the foliage, blocking plant vines that were trying to attack him without a second thought.

Maybe if he just kept walking, the frustration would go away.


	6. Trait Six: Depression

**A/N: BAM. Take that, internet. Teach you to spaz out on me, I won't have it see! I'll just take apart and reassemble my computer until you let me online!**

**So Anyway. Yeah. Depression. Um... The only thing I can say for this is "OH MY GOD I FEEL SO HORRIBLE." I was really mean to Buck in this chapter. I swear, if you readers don't hate me by the time this is through, I'm going to hate myself.**

**Yeah... you know that main focus story I told you about? I worked on it, I really did, but then I got a page in and I'm like, "I WANNA WRITE MOAR BUCK."**

**Weirdness I tell you. Also Locrian-Mode posted another chapter of Rising, and commented on how she wanted to read something else from either me or Amethyst, who is nocturnal as far as I'm concerned. I looked at my main focus story and then at that note and I said "Screw it."**

**Therefore, we get this, the product of a broken mind. Never So Alone was my 'feel better, at least it's not like this' chapter, because I'm broke, my internet hates me, and my parents are going to be taking away my computer so. -.-"**

**At least I'm not insane.**

**Oh wait.**

**Damn it, I WANT to be insane.  
**

Never So Alone

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

Buck was not amused. He was not amused one bit.

In fact, he was rather miserable. He had been trying to track Rudy down, something he normally did not _have_ to do, and so far he was failing horribly. The tracks had gone stale and he felt more of the consuming anxiety he had been experiencing since the dino stopped appearing to chase him.

It had been nearly a week now, and Rudy still hadn't made an appearance. And even if the frustration from before had disappeared, the lost feeling that came to replace it was far worse in Buck's opinion. He sat on the tree branch, wondering what he could do to feel better. Talking to his "Wife" didn't do much – it wasn't like she could talk back, she was an ugly pineapple – and the other creatures down here normally wanted to eat him. As messed up as their friendship was, Rudy was the only one he could really relate to down here.

Each was driven by the other, though neither would really admit it. Buck felt more at ease when he was being chased by the dino than when he had quiet moments like this. He didn't know what Rudy thought of him, but he didn't doubt that the Albino Baryonyx enjoyed chasing him. He certainly tried to make it interesting.

He wasn't used to being REALLY alone. He always had Rudy when he needed him, but the thought that now the big dinosaur wasn't going to chase him… he never thought he'd be afraid of not being chased.

He recalled briefly how afraid he'd been the first week, when everything was out to get him no matter what. At least now he knew he could handle everything he came across down here. Back then everything was a monstrous carnivore (plant or not, which confused him. Were the carnivorous plants really omnivorous because they were plants? He still didn't know.).

He tried to use logic to cheer himself up. "Maybe ol' Rudy's been lookin' fer me 'swell. Maybe we just been lookin' in the wrong _places_. I'll see if I c'n find his cave."

The thoughts did little to actually cheer him. He determinedly squashed down the empty feeling and jumped off the tree branch, hitting the ground running.

_Wait._

He stopped, the empty feeling coming back full force.

He had _already_ lost the trail.

He sighed again, a weak growl making its way into the exhalation. He climbed back up the tree and settled on the branch again.

Why was it so hard to find a carnivorous reptile that had been out for his blood for months? Rudy was over eleven times bigger than him! He should have been crashing his way through the forest, easy to find even from a mile away!

Didn't Rudy want to chase him anymore?

_Was he annoying the dinosaur?_

He closed his one good eye. Sleep. Sleep would help. Sleep always helped, because time passed when he was asleep and things always changed. Things always got better.

Sleep had to help.

It had to.

But it would not come.

He opened his eye again, a low toned howl of despair escaping his throat. He didn't _want_ to feel this! He wanted to retreat into the safety of sleep… of insanity… but most of all, he wanted Rudy to appear and start chasing him.

"Darn you! Darn you and any children you may ever have!" Buck growled into the night, feeling the stinging wetness of his left eye.

_No. No crying, please… no crying…_

Tears flowed against his will, and he broke down, sobbing uncontrollably as he curled into a ball. His stomach hurt, his head hurt, his eye hurt, everything hurt. But most of all, his confidence hurt.

He felt broken.

Curled into a ball in a very weasel position, he finally passed out and drifted into the sweet oblivion of sleep. He hoped he woke up in the cloudiness of insanity. Anything to prolong the pain he was feeling now from coming back.

He had never felt so alone.


	7. Trait Seven: Confusion

**A/N: Okay. I'm going to close all Buck related things now, Reviews for this will be ignored for the time being, Amethyst will be ignored for now, and I'm not going to work on anything Buck related anymore until I finish the next chapter of my main focus. Y'all might have to wait a while for anything from me again. But I am NOT going to be sucked back into Ice Age until I've satisfied my readers for Pokemon. So I'm sorry, but "Why?" is going to be one of the last ones for this story for a bit. There are still others I have planned, but for now I'm going to work on what I told myself I'm going to work on.  
**

Why?

By Have Faith In Yourself

* * *

Buck was getting irritated now, and the source of his irritation was, mercifully, easy to discover. He was tired of his emotions running away from his control, and was getting exceedingly tired of feeling.

Maybe it was just because he wasn't used to being 'up and down', as some would call it. He was so used to having his feelings figured out before they could get going on a rampage that not knowing why he was feeling something annoyed him.

First he was frustrated with no apparent reason. Sure, he was alone, and being ignored by the only creature that really paid him any mind for more than just food (it was arguable that Rudy still wanted him for food, but he hoped the Dino had gotten over that. After all, you tend to give up after twenty or so defeats, unless you're just really stubborn), but he was alive, wasn't he?

"Arguable, that." He muttered.

After the frustration went away, emptiness like no other he had ever felt (or, that he ever _remembered_ feeling) had settled upon him. He had sunk into that emptiness and into a depression that had disappeared by that morning, but the impact of the pain he had felt stayed with him. He didn't want to be ignored.

Now...

He didn't even know _what_ he was feeling. It was almost the same lost feeling he had felt the first week in dinotopia, when nothing made sense. Actually, now that he thought about it, that was exactly what it felt like.

Nothing was making sense. And when he asked himself _why_... his head just hurt. He had tried to avert his thoughts by going onto an inner monologue before, but that hadn't ended so well. The first sentence made him think of Rudy and the lost feeling came back ten-fold.

_Why?_

That was the primary question he was asking himself. Why was Rudy avoiding him? Why couldn't _he_ find _Rudy_, when the dinosaur was over eleven times the size of him? _Why was he so confused?_

Was something wrong with him?

He looked from his perch atop the rocky outcrop that housed his little secret cave, staring at the 'sky' above him. He knew it was really the ice of the world above forming a roof overhead where the sun could shine through, but even with that knowledge he thought of it as sky. His mind just took his position as "Down here" and twisted it to think like he was "Up there."

He'd been down in dinotopia for so long there was no such thing as down anymore, everything around him was his 'up'.

He sighed and glanced around him again, the green leaves were turning a deep coppery color and there was a chill to the air. The elusive 'Fall'.

Almost as elusive as Rudy was at the moment. He sighed again, looking toward his 'sky' and the questions returned again.

_Why?_

_Why was his world turned upside down? Why couldn't he retreat from the pain? _

He kicked a rock free from a crack and growled, turning his one good eye upward again. He didn't like being confused. He didn't like it one bit.

_Why was insanity so confusing?_

He sat down again, his face in his hands, and let out a moan. He was starting to get a headache from the many questions he was asking himself.

_Why did this confusion hurt him so much?_

He still didn't have an answer for anything he had asked already, he didn't think he'd get an answer for the latest question.

_WHY?! _

_Why was he so full of questions, why couldn't he find any answers?! And why, oh why wasn't that familiar roar sounding...?_

Then he heard it. That familiar roar he'd been looking for, far off in the distance long past Lava Falls. It would take him a day or so to get there, but at least he knew that Rudy hadn't fallen off the face of the planet.

The roar came again, and his heart skipped a beat. That wasn't the usual "I'm going to eat you" Rudy roar. That was an "I'm hurt" Rudy roar.

_Why is he hurt?! What could have possibly hurt him?!_

He jumped to his feet and started running almost before his mind cautioned him. **_You could die if it can hurt Rudy_**.

"Iffitz hurtin' Rudy, I'm gonna hurt _it_." he muttered to himself, feeling protective of the dinosaur, "It's wha' Rudy did fer _me_."

**_Then be careful._**

"I will." he murmured, and continued running.

He was going to get answers once and for all if it killed him along the way.


	8. Trait Eight: Solitude

**A/N: WELL. I am back. Sort of. With Solitude! ARE YOU READY PEOPLE!**

**(PS: Don't say "Aye Aye Captain!" . Make the "Aye" joke if you must but PLEASE don't pull a SPONGE on me.)**

**The poem in this chapter is by ME. I wrote it when thinking over this, and... yeah. Anyway.

* * *

**

Alone With The Fire

_Flickering flames light his face,  
His gleaming eye,  
His dark brown fur;_

_Alone in a world that shows no trace,  
Of his existence,  
As it were._

_No one knows the things he's seen,  
The experiences had,  
The horrors viewed;_

_His solemn gaze with fire's gleam,  
Tells that he knows,  
True Solitude._

* * *

He stared blankly at the dancing light in front of him, his thoughts wandering. He hadn't thought about it much, but now that he was alone he had turned his thoughts on his _feelings_. Things that lay buried beneath his insanity were stirring.

He was still somewhat confused about everything, as he had a right to be. He had had his breakdown earlier that morning, and the questions were still lingering on the edge of his thoughts. But the silence around him was almost enough to quell the questions… for now.

He let out a low sigh, leaning back against the rock while he thought. His head was telling him his protectiveness of Rudy was not normal, but his instincts… they told him that Rudy needed to be protected, just as he himself was a thing to be protected to _Rudy_.

He let out a soft snort. His instincts were hypocrites. And he highly doubted that Rudy wanted to protect him from harm, especially since the dinosaur had chased him consistently for months now.

_Not this last week, though._

No, don't think about that, he told himself, shaking his head sharply. That pain could be dealt with _after_ he found Rudy. Finding Rudy was all that mattered now.

Being alone like this was… almost nice, he had to admit. The quiet that pushed around him and held him close like a blanket was soft and almost comforting. The gleaming light of the small fire was just enough to fill the clearing he found himself in with dancing light, and calmness hung around him like something he had never felt he had known.

It was silent around him, excluding the loud crackling sound of the flames. There was no wind tonight. Sound seemed magnified, no matter how small it really was. He let out a soft exhalation of air and lay his head back on the rock and staring upward at his 'sky'. A pale light show of auroras was winding its way along the ice above him.

_Pretty…_ he thought idly, staring up at them. His eye half-closed as he let his mind wander once again. So what if Rudy wasn't around? He was looking for him, and that was all that mattered. All that mattered…

His eye opened again. Why _was _he so dependent on Rudy chasing him? The big dinosaur wasn't anything special, not really. He was in a _world_ of dinosaurs.

The answer hit him quite suddenly, and he sat up, returning his gaze to the fire. It flickered weakly, sending dancing light across his face. His blue eye gleamed with an orange glow as it half closed. He glanced at the tooth. 

_Anchor. He's my anchor._ Buck sighed; _He's a constant thing in my otherwise chaotic life._

_He's my last real tie to sanity._

_My last proof that I'm really alive._

And sitting there, alone, Buck could feel his sanity slipping away faster than it had before. His thoughts were getting disjointed. He was afraid.

And not of dinosaurs, not of being eaten.

Of _solitude_. Of being _alone_.

The fire flickered weakly once more before fizzling out, leaving him in the dark.

He closed his eye.  


* * *

**AN: Okay. Yeah. This took FOREVER.**

**Author's blockage plus my main focus story being finished and it's sequel being started, equals me being very busy outside of the Ice Age section.**

**So what brought me back to this, you ask? Well, what else, my parents got Dawn of the Dinosaurs on Netflix. I watched it. I remembered all of Buck's lines by heart. And I realized that I NEEDED to finish this oneshot before it killed me. It didn't kill me, thankfully. So you know what to do.**

**Review!  
**


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